A Christmas Rhyme

A Sign in the Sky

One dark, lonely night

Something very bizarre -

A sign shining so bright,

Drawing people from afar.

Shepherds in the field

Blown out of their mind

By thousands of angels singing

"Good News to all mankind!"

Can you imagine the shock and the awe

God must have thought it funny, what He saw...

Making so many angels appear suddenly

To share with all living creatures a bit of His glee!

It heralded the humble, yet royal birth

Of the King who is coming to rule the earth.

He left for a while, but don't make a mistake -

He's coming again, all things new to make!

Born into this broken world,

Accursed and ignored,

He gave Himself freely,

To see humanity restored.

He came not with bloodshed,

Nor violence, nor gore,

But rather, a tender baby -

So Him we could adore!

"No room in the inn", that's what they said

If only they had known who needed a bed...

Just like people now, who are too busy, life so hectic,

To realize who He is, this God who is lovesick.

So look to the Star that shone in the night;

It points to the One who makes all things right.

To creation unsuspecting, to humanity unaware,

The greatest gift was given: Jesus, God's own Son - the Rightful Heir!

Merry Christmas! :)

How blessed we are...

Where is “home”?!

I'm reflecting back on the past 3 months (and how fast they've FLOWN by), and thinking of all the good things that have come out of it... too many to tell! I look forward to my trip back to the States on Saturday – returning to see family and friends for Christmas, the New Year, and my birthday, too! I will share some of the funny stories, the good times I shared with old friends, the memories from childhood, and the many things I learned during my internship here. I really think they're better told in person (otherwise I might as well just write a book). But I do want to mention one of the highlights from this time: a desire that I have had for many years, and have pursued in various ways, finally became a reality...

I GOT MY DUTCH PASSPORT!!!

Now the proud owner of 2 passports, I feel like my identity crisis has been somewhat solved... Not that I had major issues, but I've often struggled to articulate the answer to “where are you from?” Such a basic question, but I've long been confused. Now I know. I am from Amsterdam. I was born here, and now I have a Dutch passport. I am also very proud of my American heritage and passport, but it's certainly nice to be a citizen of the country you were born in! I smiled from ear to ear I think for at least a week straight, and when anyone mentions my newly discovered citizenship, I still jump for joy! People are constantly congratulating me, and it has been about a month... It's great!

Anyhow, as I was reading the Bible the other day, I came across several passages that got me thinking about this topic, too. Paul states that “our citizenship is in heaven (Phil. 3:20)” and suddenly it hit me: I've been SO excited about my Dutch citizenship because it opens up doors of opportunity, but when have I stopped to think about my heavenly citizenship?! I bought sweets and cookies, went out for special treats, and told everyone who would listen about my nationality in the Dutch system. My name is written in the Book of Life – that's far more exciting! I like what the Dutch translation says about our citizenship: it says that our citizens' rights are of a heavenly kingdom. I haven't ever stopped to ponder what the rights (and responsibilities) are of a citizen of heaven, but uhhhhh, it outweighs Holland's (although the rights here are pretty nice). Crazy. It's tickling my brain! Right now, since this whole process is so fresh to me, and so personal, I feel like I understand what Paul was saying... My true citizenship is in heaven; my true identity is based on what God says. That should radically change the way I live my life...

This world is not my home. I am one familiar with packing my bags, and getting rid of “stuff”. I watch most everyone around me in a frenzied rat race to buy more, get more, store more, and own more, and all the while, I keep trying to minimize my possessions... Pack light. It's all about perspective. I hadn't paid much attention before, but like I said, this topic has grown on me... In the Bible, in Hebrews 11, Abraham was said to be a foreigner and temporary resident on the earth, seeking a better land – one to come. He had the same perspective David did when he wrote “for I am a foreigner residing with You, a sojourner like all my fathers (Ps. 39:12).” It just reminds me that home is not here, nor in the U.S., nor on a Caribbean island (though I would like it to be!). My home is temporarily unseen, yet very real.

I am incredibly thrilled to have my second passport – thank You God! But what thrills me even more, is my citizenship in heaven (again, thank You Jesus). It can't be taken from me; and the benefits are out of this world - literally! No matter where I try to say that I am from, at least I know where I am going... In times of difficulty and uncertainty, I am not banking on the dollar, nor the euro, nor storing up more STUFF... after all, this place is not my home! I am not concerned, because my savings account is indestructible; my inheritance is secure. Now that's something I can be excited about! Heaven throws a party every time someone receives their new citizenship (Luke 15:10)... it's time I celebrate the same! So I celebrate God's provision of Dutch-American nationality, but even more so, I'm celebrating the privilege of heavenly citizenship and the entry to a better home! :D

Getting ready to hit the road again...

Just a traveler and sojourner like my fathers... :)

Love,

Stephanie

I don't want to forget...

I am intrigued by the place I now find myself, and the time that lies ahead. Three months in Amsterdam... I never would have thought! It's a rare and special gift to be able to re-discover my childhood roots, while at the same time diving deep into the presence of Almighty God. I have a passion to know what's on God's heart, and then live to bring it about. I think one way to know God is through spending a lot of time talking to Him – prayer! That's what I've signed up for over the next 3 months... Of all places and all times, I'm back where I began. This only goes to prove that God is faithful, and He is good – far beyond my understanding! Apparently He knows what He's doing... and it's really exciting to be on board! :)

The past few days have been surreal as I wander the streets of the city, re-living many childhood memories. Living now in downtown Amsterdam is a whole new world; but it feels just like home :) It wasn't long ago that I played in this very place, although memories have faded and some are long gone. It was a little slow at first, but I am beginning to remember the things that sparked my love for travel, the nations, and the peoples of this world. The city is a very special place. It seems like eons ago, yet the pictures are still vivid, and the friendships still exist. I am thankful that time does not erase the past – I wouldn't want to forget the precious moments lived, laughed at, and learned from...

I don't want to forget the time I was playing “hide-and-go-seek” and broke my leg... I know it doesn't seem like the most pleasant memory, but it never fails to get all my siblings laughing and cracking jokes. Most people wonder how I managed to break a leg playing hide-and-go-seek... well, that's the thing; it's quite a story! A pile of dirt, a 5-foot ditch, 10 seconds, and 2 broken bones... crazy; but it's true!

That fateful bridge it happened under...

I don't want to forget Haardstee: the bike sheds out front, the blue and yellow window sills, the courtyard, and all the corners and passages where we used to play as kids... The Amsterdam Arena, Bijlmer metro station, ABN Amro Bank... the list goes on.

Haardstee Apartment

Bijlmer Metro Station

 I don't want to forget the very things that I love so much about the inner city: the people from all over the world – the variation in language and culture. The way the city never sleeps; the crazy Dutch still biking at 3 in the morning! The Dam, Leidse plein, Central Station, Kalverstraat, Saturday markets, koopavond, live music, outdoor cafes, patatje oorlog, trams, buses, confused looks, lost tourists... all in a day's walk.

I've only been in Amsterdam a few days, but memories are flooding my mind. Suddenly I'm painfully aware that a page has been turned and a new season in life has begun. Although I am excited for the things that lie ahead, I hold on to precious moments so recently passed, because I know how easily I forget... Time slips by so quickly and memories rapidly fade, but I am not letting go of what happened this summer. My time back in Cuba was wonderful; I experienced a whole new side of Cuban culture and people. It was fun, it was hard, it was good, and it was hot! I worked in the kitchen, spent time in prayer, and helped cleaning up around camps. The people have such a special place in my heart; as I know they do in God's, too. Although I am half-way around the world for now, I don't want to let the memories disappear...

I don't want to forget the beauty of the island: picturesque beaches, tropical sunsets, lusciously green vegetation, and the waves crashing over the malecon (boardwalk) in La Habana.

I don't want to forget the rickety flight on Cubana Air, which I didn't think would even make it... the tarantulas around our campground, the 4-cent Cuban coffees, 1950 Chevrolet taxis, hamburgers from street vendors, pizzas that taste like cardboard, sweat dripping from every pore, salsa music always within earshot, and the importance of deep-cleaning our bathrooms.

I don't want to forget the looks on the faces of the children whom I gave gifts to. Be it the glimmer in their eyes, the pearly-white smiles plastered on their faces, or the appreciation oozing out of every word they spoke... such simple gifts as soccer balls and silly bands made a world of difference to these kids... What a precious lesson to learn in how to be grateful for all that I have...

I don't want to forget how blessed I am, having had the opportunity to go, to share, to learn and grow. I was so excited to return a second time after having danced the first away. What sweet redemption to go back and see the same friends I met before but with a story to tell them of God's love and faithfulness in my own life.

I don't want to forget the names of those who I grew close to: my family away from home, my friends through thick and thin, strangers who extended a welcoming hand, those whose lives I touched, and those whose lives touched mine.

I don't want to forget the tears I've cried for Cuba, and the many prayers lifted up. I felt like home sweet home while I was there; like I was in a place made just for me :) I worked hard; I did my best. There is a high price to pay in Cuba, but I continue to ask God for amazing things in and through that nation. I hold on to the desire to see a people return to God with all their hearts. And I know that He is up to something big...

I'll never be quite the same; and I don't want to forget all the reasons why...

Summer Plans

Soon I will be on the road, and I will see some of you before long...

In just 2 days I will be on a plane – first to Seattle for my grandma's memorial service – then to Florida to visit relatives before I head back to Cuba. I cannot share many details due to the nature of the trip, but I am so excited to return! Just several months ago I was there for the first time – and it was quite the experience... I saw a little bit of how the country works, I met many people, figured out how to get around, and at the end of the day I fell in love with a nation in desperate need of the truth. There is something about Cuba, and her people, that breaks my heart, brings me to tears, sparks a passion in my being, and lights up my eyes – all at the same time! While my first trip was tourism, this one will be focused on giving: I will give of my time and also specific items that I know are needed. I plan to have several days to visit friends I met on my last trip, and I will also join a team working with young people in rural areas of the island. I can share more details in person. One thing is certain, I will be praying hard, serving in any way that I can, and sharing my own personal story, as well as God's Story of hope and redeeming love.

If you want to help, I am accepting financial donations to help cover the cost of the trip, as well as items that I will be purchasing to leave there (soccer balls, baseballs and bats, Bibles, other books, sheets, towels, clothing, toiletries, etc). You can reach me over the next few days, but once I leave Washington, I will not have my phone with me, nor internet access once in Cuba... I will be back in contact August 5^th. Checks can be made out to me, and anything by mail can be received at my parents' address and added to my account :)

Stephanie Miller

1125 Geneva Street

Bellingham, WA 98229

Please remember me in your prayers – and even more so, the people of Cuba. If you can commit to pray a certain day between July 10^th and August 5^th, please let me know. I would like to find at least one person to cover each day :)  Prayer points include safety while traveling and moving around, health and well-being, the nation of Cuba, the government, the church there, and the work that will be done with young people (teaching them, building relationships). Cuba has opened up a lot, but is far from “free” in the sense of how we live in Western countries. The people have very little, news and media is limited and censored, and everything is controlled by the government. Even the education only conveys one-sided information: whatever aligns with the communist party, and nothing else. The average Cuban has material need, but even more so, there exists a need – and a hunger – for books and literature and education that reach beyond what their government allows and bring a greater understanding of life and truth. The truth that human life is valuable, that they were created with purpose and meaning, and that there is hope for a brighter future. Keep these things in mind as you pray for this special nation.

I hope to see any and everybody who is available over the summer: August and at least part of September I will be in Washington for sure. Beyond that, still to be determined...

Thank you!!!

Love,

Stephanie

The Next Chapter...

¡Saludos! I know an update is well over-due... The reason I haven't posted anything new is that I have been very busy struggling to put into words what has happened over the past 2 months of my life. I will attempt to share a little bit of the story with you, but forgive me if my English fails to due it justice – these are matters of the heart, and can rarely be conveyed by words alone...

Nearly half a year ago, I set out on a quest to find a new place in the world to call “home”. I have left once or twice before, seeking to experience all the wonderful people and places in this world, and looking for a deeper meaning beyond myself. My travels have taken me to many different places, and the experiences have been vast and varied, challenging my worldview, and shaping the person that I am today. With this same intention to learn and grow, I started on this journey last December.

As I set out on my course, I had the sensation that this trip needed to be different. Tired of traveling just for the sake of it, I wanted much more from this experience than another exotic adventure. Although I thoroughly enjoyed visiting friends in Mexico, hitting up the beach, salsa dancing in Cuba, and the luxury of doing whatever I wanted, the gnawing feeling that something was missing just kept growing... I tried to continue on as usual, enjoying every moment of the quest I was on – the people, the places, the fun. Yet I could not. Plenty of things entertained me for a moment, but they no longer satisfied the deeper places of my heart. Internally, there was a war waging. Part of me yearning for something greater than myself; and a part of me just seeking to enjoy life and silence the cry for anything more. If my passions for people, for dance, for beach, and for travel were not enough to quench my thirst, then I didn't know what would be...

I began to wrestle with these thoughts, pondering the motives and meaning behind my actions, and what it was I truly wanted to live for. Realizing there was a discrepancy in the way I was living, and the beliefs I claimed, I began to wonder why. I claimed to believe in the God of the Bible, but yet, my decisions were controlled by a passion to enjoy life; not a passion to obey God. I knew I was heading for a breaking point; a time when a choice has to be made...

I was tired when I reached Puerto Rico. Tired from physical strain and activity, and tired of the endless barrage of thoughts that invaded my mind... I knew I had to be very intentional; nothing was going to be different about this adventure unless by conscious effort, with a receptiveness to learn. I contacted the YWAM base (Youth With A Mission is an international volunteer movement dedicated to knowing God and making Him known) in Puerto Rico to find out whether or not I could join them as a short-term volunteer. In the meantime I had made friends in San Juan, done the tourist thing, and was offered several jobs. One in particular was a tempting offer, but more than working, and more so even than paradise itself, I had an intense longing for truth. I wanted to know why I was doing these things. I was tired of ignoring the ache in my heart. Perhaps dissatisfaction is one of God's greatest gifts – because it pulls at our hearts, persuading us to desire something more, something we were designed for, something that is missing. All the while it impulses us to keep looking, to seek out the answers; and if we follow, it takes us straight to the heart of God Himself...

I moved to the YWAM base mid-March and have been here since. I am volunteering in the kitchen, cooking for the 50 or so people living on base. The structured environment was a little challenging to get used to at first, considering I had been very independent; but having made the conscious effort to stick it out, I've been pleasantly surprised... Although none of it was particularly easy, what unfolded over the next bit of time was much more than what I had bargained for...

I was desperate for answers. I prayed: I asked God to speak to me somehow and show me His way, or otherwise, leave me to determine my own course... God spoke to my heart, I paid Him my full attention, and He rocked my world! I realized that the reason my lifestyle had been so unsatisfying, though full of good things, was that I was living for myself. The deepest passions coursing through my being were self-gratification and enjoyment – ironically, the very things that eluded me as I tried so hard to obtain them. They were the motive behind my actions. Not to say that all of the things I did were bad in and of themselves, but the decisions were based on my feelings – making me my own god. Of course I did not consciously admit to that; I justified my actions according to my own interpretation of truth: that life was to be lived to the fullest, meaning in full pursuit of personal satisfaction, and in other words, completely selfish.

I didn't particularly want to consider the consequences of my actions and beliefs. In my mind, I was purposefully ignoring the inconsistency of my selfish choices with what I claimed to believe. I was trying to be content just living my way... until I hit that point when I had to pick a side... dissatisfaction had finally gotten to me. I came to a fork in the road, a place where my beliefs would have to match my actions, or one of them would have to change... That's integrity: when you do what you say – practice what you preach – when people aren't confused by the mixed messages you're sending... that's something I want for my life.

So I came to a place of decision: a choice to be made.

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could...

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.”

(Robert Frost)

I battled back and forth between a desire to live life my way, enjoying it as best I could, and a desire to live according to what I believed was right and good. When those things coincide, it's not so difficult; but what of the times you must choose one or the other? We choose how we react, or respond, to any given situation. We have free will. True, others do things to me, and even around me – and these things impact me, some more deeply than others – but I have the choice of what I will do with it. The core values and passions that shape my life are chosen, whether intentionally or subconsciously. I am affected by my upbringing and by society, but I also have the power to choose – most of the time – regarding which things I will allow to influence me and which ones I will reject. I came to the realization that I was free to choose good or bad, free to choose myself or others, free to stay or go, to believe or not. Will I continue to live to please myself? Or will I be governed by God? I could not reason away the existence of a Creator. I could not nullify the moral law that is written on my heart. I could not ignore the answers that Jesus provided. And I could no longer deny God's authority over my life. Well, I suppose I could, but I choose not to. :)

So part of what has happened over the past two months is a realization of the power I have to choose, and the responsibility that coincides to be intentional with my beliefs and my actions. Another component of change in my life has been the recognition of my need for it. I became aware of a place in my heart that would not be satisfied by anyone or anything, except the One who put it there – Someone who designed a hole so He could fill it! God's existence leaves no room for me to determine my own laws, and life experience has shown me that selfishness is not the best way. I recognize that I have fallen short of the standards God set – His original and glorious design for our lives. I have been self-centered, and gone my own way, disobeying the law of God, violating the commandment to love. I have not loved God, and I have not loved others as I ought.

The good news is that there is an inexhaustible source of love – true love. Not love in the sense of “I love my boyfriend, I love my cat, I love my car, I love coffee”. That is “love” in the world of today: whatever makes you feel good. By love I mean a decision to commit to each other unconditionally; respect, forgiveness, selflessness. Seeking the best for the other person, regardless of what it might cost you. I know few people these days that truly love. Myself included, as I find I've done a lousy job. But I want that. I want to believe in something more than working hard, saving money, and spending it, too. I want my life to reach beyond myself, and beyond my immediate circle of friends and family. I want to know what it is to truly love, and then choose to do it. “If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything” – isn't that how the saying goes?

There is no one like Almighty God, Creator of the Universe, who was willing to sacrifice and serve, even to the point of death on a cross... He didn't have to die for me. He didn't have to provide forgiveness for humanity. He could have left us to the destruction of our own selfish ways – “may the strongest survive”! But He loved. He chose to pursue us, wanting us to return to Him, but not infringing on our freedom to decide. His intention has always been to invite us into an intimate relationship with Himself.

So then... right here in Puerto Rico is where I've chosen which side I will take. At this crossroads in life, my path has come to an end, and I choose God's way! I choose to serve God, to love God, to obey Him. I want Him to be my heart's true devotion: to live for, and even to die for. ”This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters (1 John 3:16).”

As a demonstration of the choice I've made, I got baptized May 3^rd. Baptism is an outward symbol of an internal choice. When someone is baptized, they are dead and buried as their old selves, and are “re-born” into new life, forgiven and covered by the precious blood of Jesus, God's Son. I have been ransomed; my freedom bought at a high price. I've been redeemed – and I will no longer turn my back on this amazing LOVE... I want it!

My Baptism in Humacao, Puerto Rico - May 3rd, 2011

YWAM friends, the pastor and his wife, Jonathan and I

That, my friends, is a glimpse of what has been going on in my life over these past few months... I will update sooner next time; I will post something about summer plans as soon as they're solidified. So far I plan a visit home to Bellingham, hopefully a stop in Florida with relatives, and a rendezvous in Cuba is a possibility. This time, to serve others, for the glory of God, and not my own! :)

Hugs to all; I miss you!

Stephanie Joy :)